Today, is the 10th day since I found out my mom has a tumor in her brain. Its been over a week since I heard the diagnosis. She will live a month, without treatment. With surgery, she is expected to live two years. She will never be able to live on her own again.
Today, I went to see my mom for a short visit. Its never going to be just her and I again. Last Friday, when I spent the night at the hospital, that was the last time. Now, my aunt is staying at her house. After the surgery, she will be with someone. Rehabilitation? My sister? A nurse? I don’t know.
My stomach is tied in knots today. I feel tired and weary. My dad died 4 years 8 months ago. If something happens to my mom, I am not going to have parents anymore. God knows how I feel. God knows where I am at emotionally. In the bible, Jesus was overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Jesus fell to the ground and prayed to God. Everything is possible for God. Take this cup of emotions from me, and do with me, not what I will, but your will. God, let me do your will.
“My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death,” he said to them. “Stay here and keep watch.”
Going a little farther, he fell to the ground and prayed that if possible the hour might pass from him. “Abba, Father,” he said, “everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will.”
–Mark 14:34-36 (NIV)
If Jesus was overwhelmed with sorrow, God knows how we feel. God can comfort us and help us through difficult times. I am certainly counting on God helping me. I cannot do this alone. I need God now more than ever.
Jesus told Peter to watch and pray, so he didn’t fall into temptation. “The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.” You can be tempted to get mad at the situation. Sad. Deny it is happening, or keep praying. I am going to keep praying.
Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.”
–Mark 14:38 (NIV)
When I am going through difficult times, I feel like I am emotionally fragile. I need to pray. Often. I need the Holy Spirit to energize me and take away the weariness and sadness. Otherwise, I will probably be a puddle of tears. That will not do anyone any good. I need God to carry me through this season of life, whatever it holds.
I pray that you take away my sorrow and weariness. Praying for comfort and peace. Praying that you guide my thoughts, words and actions to do your will, not my own. Praying that you watch over me, protect me and hold my family together.