When things get tough, how do you handle yourself? Do you fight to control the situation? Or, are you like me? I just want to curl up with a blanket and sleep. That is how I felt this morning.
Two months ago, my mom was diagnosed with Stage 4, Glioblastoma. She had surgery to remove most of the brain tumor. She has been doing really well. It has been amazing to see her walk around and have a positive attitude. Last Wednesday, I saw her, and she looked great. After I left, she fell that evening and was taken to the Emergency Room. She went back to the assisted living facility at 3 AM Thursday morning. When I went to see her on Sunday, four days layer, she had rapidly declined. It is hard to watch. I don’t want to see my mom so weak. It is hard.
This is the time, that I want to curl up with a blanket and sleep. Instead of coping in my usual way, I am turning to the Lord, who will give me strength.
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
–Philippians 4:13 (NKJV)
I am trusting in God to fill me up with the Holy Spirit and get me through this season of life. I believe that God is holding me together. I believe that God keeps pulling me up, instead of slowly sinking down into quick sand.
Through this jumble of difficult emotions, I am trusting in God. I am looking to God to be both my parents right now. My dad died of cancer five years ago on Christmas Eve. I see the signs. I know them all too well.
I see some people handling their emotions by trying to control the situation and lashing out at everyone in their path.
I read these bible verses, and they really spoke to me today. Above all things, put on love, which is the bond of perfection. Love will fasten together my heart with God. The peace of God will rule in my heart, through the love of Jesus. And, I will be thankful.
But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection. And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful.
–Colossians 3:14-15 (NKJV)
The verses stand out, because they are how I want to feel. They are how I want act, not because I am acting this way.
The verses say at the end to be thankful. I am thankful for the prayers being said over me. I am thankful for the bible study group, to help me cope and accept what is happening. I am thankful for God giving me steadfast peace in my heart. Some days, I feel like I am just watching my life. I am going through the motions, but not feeling any emotions. I think that I need this break. I know that God is truly holding me together.
God is giving me strength, so I can do all things. I have released control of my life to God, and God is giving me peace and love in my heart. Love is the bond of perfection.